Why Is It That Sometimes I Feel Like Killing Myself?
This is kind of a special addition of Ask An Emo. I received an e-mail via the contact form a few months ago from someone who was particularly depressed. I think that my response may help others, so I’m going to post it below. For the sake of protecting this persons identity, their name shall remain anonymous.
Question Posted by Anonymous: “I GET SO DEPRESSED AND MAD…..and the only way to make me feel better is by cutting my self….why is it that sometimes i feel like killin my self??”
Answer: Depression and anger is unfortunately just a part of a life. It never really goes away. There will occasionally be events throughout life that elicit those types of emotional responses, and this is because life isn’t perfect. If you’re underage or live with your parents, this gives you a lot of added stress. Most teenagers don’t feel free, are hassled at school, have added stress that parents put on them in regards to getting good grades, and the added pain of having to deal with ever changing hormones and fluctuating moods. It’s alright to be depressed and angry and you shouldn’t feel added stress because other people don’t see that. No one knows your life situation entirely except for you.
Cutting isn’t healthy and I don’t support it, but I used to do it as well so I do understand why you do it and how it can certainly make you feel better. I’m not going to take the time to lecture about it because I know you’ve heard it all before. I’ll just say that you should really try expirementing with other ways to cope with your stress. It’s not easy to find a more sufficient way, but remember that if you live with your parents and they find out, the only thing that it will do is add more stress to your life and can cause a whole set of other problems which will only add to your depression and anger. For the amount of relief that it gives you at the time that you’re doing it, cutting really isn’t worth it. Alright, maybe that was a bit of a lecture, but you get the point.
I wish I could tell you that when you get older (if you’re not already an adult) you won’t feel like killing yourself anymore. Unfortunately with the added stresses and complexities of every day life the suicide rate is higher than ever. I can say with all honesty that even I think about killing myself every once in a while. Something really bad will happen or I’ll start feeling hopeless, that life won’t ever get any better, or even that the world would be better off without me. But then I think that if I killed myself, I’d never get to see if things would get better. You never know when success is right around the corner. And the truth of the matter is that, no matter how stressful a certain point in your life is, it will eventually pass and things will return to normality. Change is a constant in life.
If you are underage or live with your parents, I can safely say that things will get a lot better for you when you move out on your own and graduate school. Those two things, especially moving out on your own, are two of the largest stress and depression relievers that I can think of. So if you’re still living under your parents roof, you definitely have something to look forward to, and perhaps when you get depressed and stressed out you should start imagining what your life will be like when you’re old enough to do those two things. That’s not saying you should run away from home and move out immediately. Doing that would only cause a new set of problems. You’ll just have to tough it out until you’re old enough.
I hope this has helped at least a little bit. Just hang in there. And if you need to talk, feel free to hit me up in the Emo Connection forum(I hang out more on there than I do in the Emo Rawr forum) or comment on this post.
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