Coping with Death
By: Shane Pires
Death has stricken us all, and attacked us in various ways. Death comes suddenly, and without warning, leaving us alone, and to cope with the emptiness of the pain.
Some have no real clue how to truly deal with these emotions, and some lash out, most hold in that pain. A terrible curse Death is, a curse maybe a blessing for others, death is one of those most misunderstood, one that some scorn, some praise. I’ve often faced death and left with something taken away, or some new scar, though I have never claimed to be death’s equal, just death’s adversary. As we all try to be, but how to cope with the pain of loss how do we know when it’s completely gone, I’ve discovered a few ways that may help.
Step 1 Realization
So how do we deal with these emotions that’s the golden question, first you need to realize that YOU’RE powerless to prevent such events from occurring. And before you argue yes we are Powerless, we must admit that it is not our fault, cause in truth it’s not my fault that my Grandfathers both died of cancer, it’s not my fault that my friend was robbed and killed in Detroit, I may make excuses, I may say some over generalized comment but it will not bring them back, and I’d be shaming them by giving up or getting depressed. How does it help by getting upset, I’m not saying we should not be upset, rather I’m saying we should dwell upon the living, instead of the dead, for the dead take care of themselves, we should dwell on their memory.
Step 2: The Hole
So now if we followed the last step we have accepted that we are powerless to the forces around us. Now where are we, well were left with a huge hole where a loved one used to be, so what do we do with that hole? Well first off, we don’t fill it, many people will try and fill it with Drugs, Alcohol, sex, and food. That damages us even more and leaves with even bigger issues, if I did drugs and alcohol to remember my grandfather, he would roll over in his grave, AND WE can’t remember the dead with acts of wickedness, so how do we remember them? Through the deeds that we do, we honor ourselves as well.
But how do we fill that hole if not with deeds of wickedness and vice? We don’t the worst thing you can do is fill it. If you scrap your knee do you try and fill it, do you throw dirt on it to fill it up, that’s the same as doing all those things I told you not to do, would it not infect the wound? So what is it we do, quite simple we ignore it. It sounds cold and hard, but like a scrap does not the body HEALS ITSELF; to try and interfere would be to disturb the natural process. But what about the pain, because the pain of losing someone we love is a lot more painful than a scrap of the knee, so how do we deal with the pain that comes, we cry and we grieve. Crying is also a natural process, you cannot truly heal and until you cry your feelings out. Now there are some who are too strong to cry, or just simply cannot cry, I am one of those people. When my first grandfather died, I did not cry, just felt empty. This feeling is common and just to deal with this I would say wait, wait for the tears to come, if you can’t cry for a loved one’s death than what can you cry too?
Step3: Lingering Thoughts
Lets review we are powerless yes?
We know what not to do with the hole.
Though there is that last lingering pain that is the hardest to overcome, the last little hill to climb. How do we climb that hill, quite easy we put one foot in front of the next .Each day the pain may get worse or it may get less, but there’s always that little thing that reminds you of the lost loved one, a smell, a picture, an object, and before you know it there is a tear drifting from your eye. These things often come unexpectedly and could very well through us in state of disarray, so what do you do when this happens? You do the most important thing you dwell on how they lived. When someone is thrusted into a grieving they often think of the death, and think often how they wished the person was with them, instead of thinking this way think of how they lived, think of a happy memory something that brings a smile, painful but healthy, like eating brussel sprouts plain.
So now were at the midsection of the hill, were sweating, were tired and we want to go back down. DON’T one foot in front of the other, overcome the pain, clean up the sweat, take a swig of water, and keep on walking Your almost there, and looking back is only going to bring more sorrow. remember the key points, dwell on life, this death is not your fault, and let your hole heal itself naturally. Humanities greatest glory does not lie with the dead, but with the living.
Closure
By now we have hopefully reached the top of the elongated Hill, and the view is great. By now you have gone through more pain, and sorrow than some would say necessary, but It was absolutely necessary, most people will hold in that pain, let it twist them, agonize them, if we are confronted with death than we need to let the pain heal naturally. It’s time for CLOSURE; closure is the final and most important step. I finally reached this only a month ago, you know you have reached this, if you are able to see a picture of this loved one and don’t have to cry, if you see their face and think only of a happy memory, if you can think of them and only smile.
Thank you for reading if you have questions just email me or message me,
Email: speedyreddog@yahoo.com
Shane Pires
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